I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize