Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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