I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
