I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
