His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
