My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
