Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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