There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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