if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
