i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
