ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
