Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
