my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
FUCK WHALES
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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