I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
