New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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