We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My vagina just recognized that song.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
