Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
