I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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