pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
