Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Randomize
