hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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