Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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