I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
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i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
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i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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