You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
