Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
