It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
