Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I am one with the molecules
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
