I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
