I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
