Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
soo... how was my night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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