If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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