Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.