Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.