Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line