So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
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that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
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We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?