i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".