you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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