he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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