I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
