He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
