I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
