I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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