I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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