I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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