Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
