By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
