i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
