I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
