Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
