woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
honey bunches of taint.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
