Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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