somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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