dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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