She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
worst night to have a conscience
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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