At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
