remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
