Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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