I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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