if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
