6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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