I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
