You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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