got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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