I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
one might say we're banned from that church
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
