and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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