I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
