I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
