Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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