I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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