The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
