why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
